Lullaby by Consuelo Hamilton

Author:Consuelo Hamilton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gatekeeper Press

Chapter 21

Never Easy

The ride back home was full of a very loud kind of silence—you know, the kind that makes you nervous. He was so mad, and I was so curious. Maybe Madam had gone ‘bout things the wrong way; maybe she should have gone straight to Master and left Mattie out of it altogether. What if it was all ruined now? The questions in my head were so deafening, until I finally had to say them out loud. “Mattie, why are you doing this? Why are you fighting Madam on this? Singing at the Baxter dinner is a once in a lifetime chance, especially for me. Why won’t you let me have this?”

“Oh, now you want to talk to me. Now that there’s something you want.”

“It’s not your decision to make, it’s your father’s. He knows how important this is to me, why don’t you? Especially you?”

Straightway, he stopped the carriage, jumped out and tied the horses to the nearest tree, seemingly all in one motion. I watched him. I watched the anger and confusion drip out of his skin like oil. “Mattie, what do you want me to do?”

I waited for his reaction. I didn’t get one. As I got down from the carriage I caught him turning around just enough to make sure I got down ok. When I did, he turned his back to me again. I stood there a minute longer, watchin’ him, wonderin’, prayin’ that I was doin’ the right thing. “What’s happened to us, Nady?” he finally said. “Where is all this going?”

“I wish I knew.” Now I was standin’ right beside him, both of us lookin’ up, beyond the skyline.

“For the life of me, I can’t figure who I’m supposed to be fighting now. Why won’t you give me reason?” he asked.

“I can’t be reason for you, that’s just the way it is. I’ve got one thing, one thing that makes me free whether there’s war or not, and that’s my song. My freedom is trapped in my skin. Not much I can do ‘bout that. But what I can do…give it to me…please.” With my hands, I gently took him by the face. “Please.” Oh, how I remember lookin’ into his eyes that evenin’. They said so much. They were still full of love and questions. But like me, he was stubborn, so he fought.

He pulled back from me. “We’d best be getting back. It’ll be dark soon.” He helped me get back into the carriage and off we went, neither one of us sayin’ another word for the rest of the ride home.

Once we had gotten back, I went to wash up for supper. As I was puttin’ my apron on, Mammie Dee came behind me and tied it. “Lord, child, thank goodness you back. That man out there ‘bout to drive me out what good mind I got left.”

“Man? What man?”

“Burns. Been here all day, act like he don’t wanna leave. Somethin’ ain’t right ‘bout him, and for some reason, I ain’t sho’ why, but Master done taken a likin’ to him.

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